Unwritten Moments 4
by themockingjayandpeeta
Summary: This is the last of my Unwritten Moments. This takes place after Mockingjay but before the Epilogue. It shows part of the journey that takes place 4 Peeta & Katniss to "find each other." Appearances by Haymitch as well.


The first "scene" I wrote because I got tired of people saying Katniss settled for Peeta because Gale left. Gale genuinely loved Katniss. I just think his love for justice was greater. Though they may have loved each other once, the Games, like real life war, changes people. I do believe Katniss would have chosen Gale if she'd never been inducted into the Game. And I don't think he'd had left without talking to her. Also, I think people forget that Peeta offered Katniss the hope she need while Gale had the same fire that she did.

"So you're gonna go to District 2?" Her voice was soft, and he could tell she was still fighting against her depression. He couldn't blame her. It'd only been a few days since they'd gotten back to 12 from the Capitol.

Gale stared at Katniss, his eyes peering into hers. "You wouldn't go with me even if I asked, would you?" This time it was Katniss' turn to stare. Her silence was his answer. He did not look surprised. "Why not?"

He hadn't meant to ask. He regretted it the moment the question left his lips.

"I don't fully blame you, Gale," Katniss told him softly. "I mean it still hurts. I miss her. Every second of every day I miss her…." Katniss' eyes filled with tears but she refused to let them fall. "I get that there was a bigger picture. I get why you had to kill Prim—"

"I didn't—"

"You wouldn't call it killing," said Katniss, cutting him off. "Some people live, some people die. I get it. I just… I just can't think like that."

"Can't or won't?"

Katniss paused. "Won't, then. I refuse. If I thought like that… where would it stop? I'm the girl on fire…. That's what they call me. And that same fire burns within you. Us together…." Katniss shook her head. "We'd burn."

Gale paused and turned away from her. Hating himself for asking, he braced himself. "And this has nothing to do with Peeta?"

Katniss didn't blink, though for the first time since their conversation he noted her eyes showed signs of life at Peeta's name. "It has everything to do with Peeta." Gale gritted his teeth. "He gives me hope, Gale. He makes me—"

"Spare me. He's not even _here_," argued Gale.

"Not yet. Haymitch says he'll come back. Eventually…." She paused. "And even if he didn't, I'd stay."

"So you _do_ still blame me," he accused her.

"That's not why. What do you want me to do? Just leave? What about the remains of District 12? I didn't want to be the mockingjay, but now that I am, I have a duty to these people. They need me."

Gale stared into Katniss' blue grey eyes. He stepped up to her, cupping her cheeks. "You can't save everybody, Katniss," he whispered.

Katniss gently took his hand and put it back at his side. "And you can't sacrifice everybody, Gale," she told him just as softly. "I've found the one I can't survive without."

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed Gale softly on the cheek. He embraced her, knowing this was goodbye.

"Take care of yourself." She gave him a brief smile, a smile that never reached her eyes, and then she turned away, never turning back.

She was hunting when she heard the hovercraft. Months had passed since Gale had left, not that she had thought about him much. She had known since that night on the beach with Peeta that she could never _really_ love Gale…. And the betrayal she felt when she found out Gale had been in on the plan that ultimately killed her sister… well what was there really to think about?

No, her thoughts often led her… to Peeta. It'd been nearly a year since she'd seen him. He was still at the Capitol, still getting treated for everything. She thought of him all the time, wondering how long it'd be before she got to see him again. Haymitch was so tired of her questions that he finally agreed to go to the Capitol and get Katniss, the Girl on Fire, some _real_ answers. She told him not to return without Peeta.

So when the hovercraft approached, she knew. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he'd finally come home.

He had known she would come. He'd dreaded the moment, and it happened sooner than he thought. He'd barely gotten inside his house, Haymitch muttering about the wonder of Victor's Village not being affected by the bombings, when his door flew open.

And there she was.

The Girl on Fire.

The mockingjay to the rebels.

Catnip to Gale.

But to him… she was Katniss. Always Katniss.

As she entered his house he thought that that was the most noise she'd ever made. She was always so quiet, always the hunter. He always suspected her being in the Games had made her even quieter as the hunter became the hunted.

But now? Now she was noisy as she burst through the door. Their eyes locked and hers were wild. She was breathing hard, her chest heaving up and down, and he knew she had run here. Her hair was in a sloppy ponytail and there was sweat on her brow.

She'd never looked more beautiful to him.

And he hated that.

"Peeta," she finally said. It was the softest sound she made as her bow and arrows clattered to the floor and she ran to him, jumping in his arms. His arms, having a mind of their own, embraced her back, though his brain was trying to tell his legs to run away.

"I guess I'll leave you two alone," said Haymitch, quietly exiting.

They pulled apart and he looked down at her. Haymitch had said that she wasn't coping that well with the loss of Prim. She was getting better, but only a little.

_"You have to come back," _he had told Peeta_. "She needs you. She really needs you."_ Maybe it had been manipulation on Haymitch's part to use the exact phrase that he needed to hear. Katniss needed him. How could he resist? Had he ever been able to?

_Yes_, thought Peeta to himself. There were a few times he'd tried, and succeeded, to resist.

And he'd nearly killed her.

Her lips bought him out of her stupor. How long had he been out of it?

Who the hell cared?

Katniss was kissing him again, and it was sheer bliss. How many times had he replayed those moments from the Games in his head? It was those memories that had helped him overcome.

But now? How could he trust himself?

He backed away from her. "You should go," he told her quietly.

She stared at him, her eyes surprised. "Why? I just got here."

He didn't answer; instead he dropped his gaze. He couldn't meet her eyes. He was afraid of what he might see.

"Peeta?" Katniss reached out to touch him in hopes of raising his head, but he tensed and backed away from her. "Dammit Peeta, talk to me!" He heard the hurt in her voice but still ignored her, not acknowledging her presence. "How dare you?" Her voice was bitter, and hearing it made him snap his head up. He'd never heard her talk like that. "With _everything_ we've been through, how dare you?"

This is what he wanted: her angry. He could handle the anger. He _deserved_ the anger. He deserved it way more than the compassion Haymitch said she had.

_"She doesn't blame you anymore. She knows that Capitol is responsible. She wants you to come home."_

So he decided to play on the anger, because he didn't deserve her forgiveness for what he did.

"Just go home, Katniss."

She stood there, dumbfounded. They were but a few feet apart but she stepped as close to him as he could. "No." She said it firmly and coldly. "You can't make me."

He eyed her frostily. "Wanna bet?"

She looked like if she had had her bow and arrow she'd shoot him. If he wasn't so hell bent on having his way he'd have cowered and relented. As it was, he was feeling up for a fight.

"You're gonna talk to me, right here, right now." He arched an eyebrow. "Do you wanna fight, Peeta? On the first day you're back, you really want to fight?"

"I don't want you here."

She looked like she might explode. "Why not?" He didn't respond. Finally at her wits end she pushed him. "Answer me!"

It was the push that made him snap. "Because I tried to kill you! I hurt you!"

Katniss stared at him as if he were crazy. "You were hijacked, you jackass! Do you honestly think I'd blame you?"

"You did, at first."

"I was an idiot."

"No you weren't. You hated me then, and you should hate me now."

"Well I don't."

"Well you should!" snapped out Peeta. "If I had been stronger maybe I could have resisted better."

"Oh, cue the violins, Peeta," Katniss retorted back. "Please let's not get into shoulda-coulda-woulda's. What happened to you was the same thing that happened in the Games. You weren't yourself."

She was surprised when she saw the hurt in his eyes. He had never been as good as her as masking him emotions.

"Fine then. You don't have to pretend now."

"Pretend?" questioned Katniss.

"I don't need your pity."

"Pity?!" Katniss' voice was escalading with every repetition.

"You don't have to do this."

"Do _what_? _What _are you _talking_ about?"

"You don't have to pretend to love me anymore!" Peeta shouted. "The Games are over. There are no more cameras." He sounded so defeated that Katniss felt her heart break. Then anger took over again.

"You think I'm pretending still?"

"Isn't that what you _just_ said? You just pretty much admitted the Games made you pretend to love me." She stared at him as if he were crazy. "'The hijacking did the same thing that Games did. You weren't yourself.'"

"Damnmit, Peeta… don't turn my words around. That's not true. How can you say that? You think everything we shared was for the camera's sake?"

"You're only here because Gale killed Prim."

She choked back a sob at those words, and he hated himself, hated himself for slapping her with that. He watched her pale and tears fill those astonishing blue-gray eyes.

"That is so unfair," she told him, her voice thick. But her tears did not fall. "And _so_ untrue. I could have gone to District 2. Gale wanted me to go. But I chose to stay here. I chose to stay and wait for you. I chose _you_."

"Why?" screamed out Peeta.

"Because I'm the Girl on Fire and I'd have burned with him. We would have destroyed each other. You represent everything that is pure."

Peeta didn't respond. He just looked away. What was he doing? Here she was—Katniss Everdeen, the only one true love of his life—telling him the very words he'd wanted to hear his entire life, and he was blowing it. Sabotaging it….

But he was just so _angry_ at himself, for having almost killed her. Most nights he still dreamt about the way he'd choked her, could feel the life leaving her body.

Sometimes he didn't wake himself up in time.

"You really think I'd have given myself to you and not loved you?" Katniss' voice brought him come back to reality.

"I don't know what I think. I don't know what you did with Gale while I was kidnapped."

_Liar_. He'd just lied to her, for the very first time in his life. He told himself to shut up, just shut up.

But that Capitol had changed him. He wasn't the same anymore.

"Gale never touched me," said Katniss icily. "I never wanted him to. After you there was no one else. We kissed a few times for comfort while you were in the Capitol, but it meant nothing…. How could you think that I don't love you? That I wouldn't be here waiting for you?"

"You always went back to him," he said, finally looking at her again, and suddenly he was pleading for her to understand why he was so crazy. He needed her to understand that he was just reacting. He had tried to convince himself for the past year that Katniss wasn't a bad a person, but that she did not love him. He couldn't erase how he felt about her, but he could try to lessen it. All he needed was time away from her.

Then Haymitch had come, two weeks ago, with all this 'needing you' talk and now Peeta was making a complete mess of everything because for the past year he had been trying to prepare his heart.

Haymitch had told Peeta early on that Gale was gone. Peeta had wondered why Katniss suddenly needed him to comfort her when she had Gale.

"_Gale_?" scoffed Haymitch. "_He's gone. District 2. Katniss flat out refused to go with him."_

Still, he'd been afraid that in the two weeks since Haymitch had been in the Capitol Gale had come back to sweep Katniss off her feet.

"You always went back to him," repeated Peeta softly. "I was yours during the Games, or even the Victory Tour. But as soon as we were back home, you were his."

"You reminded me of the Games," and this time it was Katniss' turn to plead for Peeta to understand. "I was scared, and you were a constant reminder."

"And now?" The question was out of his mouth before he could even change his mind.

"And now you're the only one who understands my pain. You're the only one I wanted to help me heal."

Peeta thought it was ironic that he was the one they claimed was artistic. He could draw, paint, and speak better than anybody, that's what they said. But Katniss had a way of saying things that could pierce him down to his very soul.

Peeta sighed. "Katniss…." He ran his hands through his head, nearly cringing as he realized how badly he had messed up this homecoming.

"You think you trying to kill me hurt me?" She stared at him, her eyes haunted. "Well it's nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to this right now."

She turned to walk away and for a brief moment he thought about letting her go. This is what he wanted, right?

_Hell no_.

He called her name but she kept walking, her strides long with purpose.

"Wait, Katniss." He made to grab her but she wrestled her arm away.

"Let me go."

He grabbed her again and she spun around.

"I said let me go!" She turned away but he grabbed her a third time, this time spinning her into him.

His lips crushed hers in a surprise move even to him. He might as well be back in the Capitol, confused.

_Real or not real_?

Real.

This was very much real. He could feel his blood pumping as she responded to him. Their tongues danced as their lips parted for each other. This… this was more than real. It was _right_.

She pulled away from him, her eyes bright. "You think I don't love you?" Her voice was taunting, challenging. "You're good at games. Then again, so am I. You've survived twice." She shrugged her shoulders casually. "So have I. I bet you, Peeta Mallark, that I could show you, way better than you could ever show me, just how much I love you."

He stared at her, into those hazy gray blue eyes and, accepted the challenge.

"You're on."

They attacked each other. It was the only word he could think of to describe what it is they were doing. There was biting, scratching, and hair pulling. They literally battled, trying to outdo the other. They fought for domination; one of them had to win. Katniss was quick, but Peeta was strong.

He picked her up and at the same time she pulled herself up to him and wrapped her legs around his waist. Still kissing he walked over to the closest object he could find—a side table next to the couch, and swiped all the contents to the floor. It came crashing down, the glass from the lamp breaking, but he barely heard it. All he heard was the pounding of his blood in his ears as he sat Katniss atop the table, non-too gently.

Clothes were both torn and ripped, a tattered, messy pile accumulating beside them. He took off her hunting jacket and stripped her until there was nothing but her thin undershirt left. He could see her black bra underneath it. He gripped her breasts through her clothes and Katniss moaned. It was music to his ears. He tore the shirt open, letting it fall to the floor.

They barely noticed.

He undid her bra, slipping it off.

He pulled her hair out of her ponytail holder so that her hair rained down her back. He pulled her hair so that her head jerked back and his lips crashed onto her newly exposed neck. She whimpered and arched her back. Her hands gripped his hair and then yanked his own head off of her so she could kiss his lips.

"More," she panted out. "I want more of you."

"Take it," challenged Peeta. "Take it from me."

And take she did.

His buttons flew all over the floor when she snaked her hands underneath his shirt and forced it open from the inside. Her breath tickled his ear—the calm before the storm—before she bit down on his lobe. He cried out, the pain familiar, but so was the pleasure….

He shrugged out of his shirt—who needed things like shirts anyway? Then her lips covered his again and his brain turned to mush. She slid her hands into his pants, forgetting about the zipper. He'd lost a lot of weight while being tortured in the Capitol, and though he was gaining it back, he was still thinner than he had been. These pants were old, and they did not stop her arm from sliding down and gripping him.

"Katniss," he hissed against her mouth. She stroked him, and before he could wonder where she learned to do that she stopped and started planting kisses along his chest, then down to his stomach. He gripped the table, determined to remain upright.

He shuddered when she licked him from his navel back up to his chest, and yelped when her teeth came into contact with his nipple.

She looked at him, her eyes piercing his. "Do you believe me yet?"

He didn't reply. Instead he pushed her down so that she was lying on top of the table, and he grabbed both her hands with one of his and forced them above her head. He kissed her so passionately that his head started to swim. Any minute now he'd pass out from lack of oxygen.

At the last possible moment he removed his lips and started planting a trail of kisses down her body. He ravaged her breasts, hardening as she started to squirm and arch her back. She was wheezing as he was barely giving her time to catch her breath.

"Let me touch you," she whimpered out.

He ignored her.

"Dammit Peeta, let me touch you."

Her body flushed as the pleasure took over, but he barely noticed.

"Lift your hips," he demanded roughly. She obliged, so willingly. He pulled down her pants with his free hand. She panted as she struggled to take off her shoes with her feet. He heard the thud as her shoes hit the floor, the watched, fascinated, as she maneuvered around with one free hand so at least one leg was free from her pants. He continued ignoring as she begged for release. He smiled at her reaction when he slid one finger of his free hand into her folds.

She cried out, her body literally lifting off the table as she arched her back.

She was soaking wet, and he couldn't hold in a groan. He called out her name when she started thrusting her hips.

"More. God, more."

He stuck another finger inside of her, his pace quick and deep, and watched her. He heard the familiar high-pitched whimper she made, the sound he'd been waiting for, but did not allow her to cum. Instead he pulled out his fingers.

She gasped out, her eyes blazing.

"Don't make me beg you," said Katniss. "I need you. Please."

"Please what?"

"Please fill me," she moaned out. "Or at least let me touch you."

He smirked and kissed her again, but did not let her hands go. She kissed him back with a fervor that he could not match. He sighed and relaxed, and the minute he did she wrestled out of his grip, her hands touching every part of him that she hand't been able to touch for the past few moments; his hair, his back, his face, his hips.

She started for his pants. "Off. Why are they on? So many clothes."

She shoved them down, finally releasing the pressure that had built up from the strain of his jeans. He watched as her head lowered towards him, and before he knew what was happening Katniss' mouth was working miracles.

Transfixed he watched as her head bobbled up and down, her warm tongue circling his length. He gasped for air as best as he could, his hands finding Katniss' head as his own fell back. His eyes rolled back into his head as the pleasure took over.

Then, just as suddenly as it came, it was gone.

He snapped his head forward to look at him.

"Teach you to tease me," Katniss teased.

He grabbed her face, roughly, because a part of him was _still_ so angry—would always be angry—and mashed his mouth to hers. Then, before she could even respond, he bent down and put his head in between her legs. She struggled for breath as she tried to remember his name—hell, _her_ name, even. She was so close to the edge, but when she whimpered again, he removed himself.

She cursed, her breathing labored, her body blushing from pleasure.

He spread her legs and slammed into her, before she even knew what has happening.

It was rough.

Brutally rough. He had known it would be, with the transaction that they had just experienced. He had angered her, and he was angry at the Capitol, so naturally, it was rough.

He banged into her, ruthlessly, deeper, deeper, deeper, her voice crying out in pleasure. She choked back a sob as the first orgasm hit her, mere seconds after he started thrusting. She hung on for dear life as he slid in and out, in and out, in and out, again and again and again and again.

"Say my name," he grunted out as he stared at her. "Say it."

"Peeta." She didn't hesitate.

"Again."

"Peeta."

"Again. Again. _Again_." Every time she obliged, he moaned, burying his face in her neck. He could feel the scratches in and on his back, feel the way their hips met with each frantic thrust. The sound of their flesh slapping nearly sent him over the edge.

The table wobbled underneath them but he didn't care. Let it break. He was trying to break her, wasn't he? With the way he was pounding in and out of her with a fever that couldn't be calmed.

Even when she camea again, choking out his name, over and over again, he didn't—couldn't—relent. He had missed her, missed this.

But he couldn't control the anger, the frustration.

They say you hurt the ones that are closest to you the most.

And that was true, wasn't it? He'd tried to kill her.

And now? Now he was hurting her again, but it was a good kind of pain.

And she enjoyed it.

He called out her name when she bit his neck—literally bit his neck. When she started sucking on his neck he nearly lost control. Instead of making him cum, though, like she had intended, he just went deeper and harder inside of her.

She lost count of how many times she came.

They just rocked, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, hips meeting, flesh slapping, hands gripping, back arching,

When she broke the skin on his back with her nails, he yelled out, and finally, finally, _finally_ succumbed to the pleasure, the release, and came.

He was pleased, more pleased than he was ready to admit, that she came at the same time she did.

They slid down to the floor, breathing hard, heads spinning. He was surprised he'd survived that.

They lied there in silence, limbs intertwined, for several moments. Then, finally, when his brain started recognizing shapes and colors and could tell his mouth to start forming sentences, he finally spoke.

"I still want you to leave," he told her.

She sighed. "Peeta…"

"The doctor's in the Capitol say I'm 95% back to normal. It's the other five percent I'm worried about. I don't know how I'll react during that five percent. I can't stand the thought of hurting you. I need to figure it out. I'm just asking for a little space."

Katniss didn't say anything. She just got up and started collecting her clothes, slipping on her pants and shoes. She put her bra back on and then grabbed her shirt and jacket. She swung her bows on her back and grabbed her arrow. He watched her, in silence, wishing she'd stay, but knowing he needed his space.

"Fine, Peeta. I'll do this your way for now. But when you're ready to play real or not real, let me know. I'll leave…." She stared at him, dead in his eyes. "But I'll be back."

She made her way to Haymitch's. Knocking on the door she opened it without waiting for a response. She found Haymitch in the kitchen, making dinner.

"Well that took longer than I thought," said Haymitch, turning to face her with a smirk. Katniss could feel her face growing warm. The idea of the entire world having known she and Peeta had slept together had greatly concerned her. However, on the way to District 13 Haymitch had assured her that once Heavensbee figured out what they were doing, he always turned the camera away from them. Haymitch's knowing gaze made her really uncomfortable. "Why do you seem so unhappy?"

Katniss dropped her bows and stared at Haymitch. "He's not the same," she said simply.

Haymitch snorted. "No shit, sweetheart."

"I'm still going to do what you told me," said Katniss. "Remember how you said that if it were me, if the roles were reversed, Peeta would be trying to bring me back? I'm still gonna do that for him. But before I can, I need to know what he's thinking. He's not talking to me. He…" she looked down, embarrassed at the tears that had formed in her eyes. "It's like he doesn't want me anymore."

"I bet that was humbling," Haymitch commented.

"I just assumed that when he came back, he'd want me…. I'm not as strong as Peeta. I don't know how to handle his rejection."

Haymitch didn't immediately respond. "You hungry?" he finally asked. Katniss shook her head. She didn't know when she had last eaten. "You should sit down and eat. You're wasting away." He motioned for her to follow him to the table. She sat down and stared at the food he slipped in front of her. She let it sit in front of her for several moments before Haymitch said, "If you eat, I'll tell you what you need to know." Katniss spooned some soup into her mouth. "From what I found out, Peeta was on suicide for the first six months."

Katniss felt her stomach drop to her feet.

"Apparently he was overcome with grief and guilt for attempting to kill you.

"Once 85% of his real memory was back, and after a talk with Effie, Peeta agreed not to kill himself anymore.

"After eight months, he finally reached 95%. However, he still has flashbacks and violent-like tendencies. ." Haymitch paused and stared at her. "They think he'll have these for the rest of his life. Because of this, he didn't want to come back to District 12. However, the doctors think with the proper care and nourishment, the flashbacks will probably become less and less frequent."

"I can be the proper nourishment. I know I can."

"Can you? You can barely take care of yourself right now."

"It'll give me something to take my mind off of—" Katniss couldn't say it. She couldn't say her sister's name. "It'll be good for me. For both of us."

"It won't be easy."

Katniss scoffed. "We survived the Games. I'm sure I can handle this." She stood up. "Thanks for dinner." She was nearly at the door when he called after her.

"I was wrong about what I said," he told her. She arched an eyebrow when she turned around and faced him. "When I told you that you could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him… I was wrong. And you're wrong about yourself: you can make people like you."

Katniss gave Haymitch a half smile, and walked out.

When Peeta woke up the next morning he was still lying on the couch, where he'd fallen asleep. After Katniss had left he'd gone upstairs to take a long, hot, shower, then came back downstairs and settled on the couch for some light reading. Anything to keep his mind off of everything.

He turned his head and noticed a loaf of bread on the table. He sat up quickly and looked around. He was alone. He looked at the table again and saw a note:_ Woke up early and baked it myself. Enjoy. _

Peeta smiled. _She baked for me_.

It went on for weeks, him waking up to bread. How she snuck in and out day in and day out was beyond him. He'd always known she was quiet, but this was crazy. Sometimes she came by in the afternoons or for dinner.

They were not intimate in any way, shape, or form. She had reached for his hand once and he'd snatched his hand back so fast it was almost like she had it him with her bow. He told her that he wasn't ready for that, and she had understood.

And then it'd happened.

He had his first flashback.

They'd been watching television, in a comfortable silence, when it happened.

He still wasn't sure what triggered it. One moment he was fine, the next, he was gasping for air. He had stood up to grab another cup of water when he spaced out.

He could vaguely hear Katniss calling his name; he barely registered her standing, waving her hand in his face and asking him if he could hear her.

He could feel the nausea coming.

"Leave," he gasped. He didn't know what he'd do.

"I'm not leaving you, Peeta."

He grabbed her wrists, quite hard. He saw, briefly, the fear flash in her eyes. Then they steeled over.

"I'm _not_ leaving you."

"Haymitch," was all he was able to wheeze out. "He'll know what to do."

Katniss muttered something—he heard words like 'right back' and 'don't worry,' but he heard no complete sentences.

When Haymitch and Katniss came back Peeta was on the floor hyperventilating. Katniss gasped and ran to him but Haymitch grabbed her.

"Katniss, _Katniss_!" Haymitch grabbed her. "I need you to concentrate. Screaming isn't gonna help, sweetheart. Do me a favor and go into the kitchen and grab a chair." She stared dumbly at him for a few moments, glancing at Peeta, her eyes filled with concern. "_Go_, Katniss!"

Finally she broke away. She grabbed a chair and ran back to the living room and watched in silence, tears trickling down her face, as Haymitch picked a twitching Peeta up off the floor and sat him in a chair. Haymitch forced Peeta's hands behind his back and then tied them together with a rope that he had bought with him.

It didn't take long for the spell to pass.

When it finally did, Haymitch untied him and left, leaving Peeta alone with Katniss.

"I need you to leave," he told her.

She didn't argue. It was almost as if she expected it.

For the next couple of weeks he went into a mini depression. She kept bringing him bread, but he had locked the door and she couldn't get in. Now he found the bread on his doorstep.

Heading into the third week he walked to the door, like he always did, and saw the plate of bread and the note.

This time, however, there was also something taped to the note.

_I still need you_, it read, and the dot in the _i _was the pearl he had given her on the beach.

He felt his heart stop.

In that moment he made up his mind: in the morning, when she bought him the bread, he would be waiting for her.

Except she never came. He was up at dawn, not exactly sure how early she'd be out there. He normally slept until he could no longer sleep anymore, and he'd wake up to the bread. This time he was determined to see her, so he got up as early as possible, freshly shaven, bathed, and in clean clothes.

And she never came.

He waited until noon before walking the few feet to her house and knocking on the door. When she didn't answer he guessed that maybe she was at Haymitch's and made his way over there.

No such luck.

He went back home and waited until it was nearly dark before worry started to creep in.

Suddenly, as the sun started to set, he realized where she might be. He left the house and headed towards the wood, running as fast as he could. He called out her name for several moments but she never responded.

Then he saw her: on the ground, next to a tree, her bows at her side.

"Katniss!" Terrified that she was injured he approached her. She was face down, and he couldn't… shit, he couldn't see if she was breathing. He was afraid that if she were hurt he'd do more damage by turning her over, so, his heart pounding, he gently grabbed her wrist.

Her pulse was faint, but it was beating.

"Katniss!" he said loudly.

He held his breath as she started to stir. Then she was looking at him.

"Peeta."

"Are you hurt?"

"Not physically," she said after a long pause.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I… I miss her, Peeta. I miss Prim. I stayed in District 12 to be with you, but you don't even want me. Why didn't you just let me take the pills and die in the Capitol?"

"Katniss, you're talking crazy. Let's get you home."

She cried as he picked her up and brought her back to his place. He made his way to the bathroom and immediately stripped her. Making the water as hot as he could he gently picked her up and placed her in the tub.

He scrubbed her down, her not saying a word.

This time it was him nursing her back to health. Most of the time she slept all day, and when she wasn't sleeping she was telling him that she wanted to be alone and go home.

He ignored her.

Slowly, slowly but surely, the two started to heal together. Some days she would eat more than one meal. Some days she showered and/or brushed her hair.

When fall came around again Katniss woke up, showered, combed her hair, and walked downstairs. She didn't find Peeta but she found Haymitch.

"Well hello, sweetheart. Nice to see you're up."

She cracked a brief smile. "Where's Peeta?" Her voice was hoarse from lack of use. Haymitch jerked his head, towards Katniss' house. She walked outsides towards her house and stopped in front of Peeta.

"What are you doing?" asked Katniss as she watched him digging into the earth.

"Planting primroses."

She sucked in a breath and he turned and looked at her.

"Wanna help?" She nodded, tears filling her eyes. He offered her his hand and she grasped it, kneeling beside him.

"How've you been?" asked Peeta.

"Good. Some days are better than others, but…." His voice trailed off and he shrugged.

"I'm sorry," she told him bluntly. "I don't know what I was thinking. You—we— were doing so well, and then you had your flashback and suddenly you were pushing me away again. I had a really bad night. I was thinking of you, and Prim, and… I just went out into the woods and just laid there…. And if I never got up… who'd miss me?"

"Katniss…"

"I was weak."

"It's good to know you're human."

Katniss didn't speak for a while as they kept planting. "Thank you," she finally said into the quiet. He stared at her, puzzled. "For nursing me back to health. I know that wasn't easy for you."

"It was, actually. The day you gave me the pearl changed my life. It changed my mind. I had decided right then that the next day I'd be there waiting for you when you came to bring me the bed. Only you never came."

She stared at him, got lost in those deep blue eyes.

"I miss you, Peeta. I know you're not the same person. What the Capitol did to you changed you forever. My Peeta's still here. My Peetea's still there. You just have to let me in, and fight for him."

He was silent for a long time. When he finally did speak, he said,

"Your favorite bread is cheese bread. Real or not real?"

Katniss smiled. "Real."

"Your favorite color is green. Real or not real?"

"Real."

"I painted you a picture of Rue once, who you loved almost as much as you loved Prim. Real or not real?"

Katniss gasped out a sob. Her voice cracked when she whispered out, "Real."

They still didn't kiss, or even touch each other, for several more weeks.

Eventually "Peeta and I grow back together. There are still moments when he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children. But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that. So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real."


End file.
